Howard Wolowitz Quotes

Latest Howard Wolowitz quotes from The Big Bang Theory

Howard Wolowitz

Howard Wolowitz chatacter image

Howard Wolowitz is played by Simon Helberg in The Big Bang Theory.

Quotes

Howard Wolowitz: Sheldon, you remember the first few weeks we were looking for magnetic monopoles and not finding anything, and you were acting like an obnoxious giant dictator?
Rajesh Koothrappali: I thought we were going to be gentle with him.
Howard Wolowitz: That's why I added the

Howard Wolowitz: Sheldon, you remember the first few weeks we were looking for magnetic monopoles and not finding anything, and you were acting like an obnoxious giant dictator?
Rajesh Koothrappali: I thought we were going to be gentle with him.
Howard Wolowitz: That's why I added the "tator".

Howard Wolowitz:  It feels like it wasn't that long ago we were here doing this for Halley.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: 'Cause it wasn't. Which reminds me, before we leave, let's get you a vasectomy.
Howard Wolowitz: Oh, that's sweet, but today is all about you. image

Howard Wolowitz: It feels like it wasn't that long ago we were here doing this for Halley.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: 'Cause it wasn't. Which reminds me, before we leave, let's get you a vasectomy.
Howard Wolowitz: Oh, that's sweet, but today is all about you.

Howard Wolowitz: Try telling him it's a non-optional social convention.
Penny: What?
Howard Wolowitz: Just do it.
Penny: It's - it's a non-optional social convention.
Sheldon Cooper: Ah, fair enough.
Howard Wolowitz: He came with a manual.

#3

Althea: I need a orderly with a wheelchair. I got a robot hand grasping a man's penis out here.
Howard Wolowitz: You think you could you be a little more discreet?
Althea: I'm sorry, we don't have a code for "robot hand grasping a man's penis".

#4

Howard Wolowitz: Ma, ma, calm dow- listen to me! I know it says click with the mouse, but on a laptop the trackpad is the mouse. Now put your finger on it.
Howard Wolowitz: Doesn't matter which finger.
Howard Wolowitz: Good choice. Now move it down to your e-mail icon.
Howard Wolowitz: The little envelope.
Howard Wolowitz: What do you mean what does it look like? It looks like an envelope!
Howard Wolowitz: Fine, you don't like the computer, don't use it!
Howard Wolowitz: Sure. We can exchange it for a salad spinner. Good-bye.
Raj Koothrappali: That's a Hanukkah present you're regretting, huh?
Sheldon Cooper: I won't say that all senior citizens who can't master technology should be publicly flogged. But, if we made an example of one or two it might give the others incentive to try harder.

Sheldon Cooper: All my friends?
Sheldon Cooper: All my friends?
Sheldon Cooper: All my friends?
Howard Wolowitz: I think it's like "Beetlejuice"; we said his name too many times.

Howard Wolowitz: Mom also had just gotten some news that might've upset her.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: What?
Howard Wolowitz: It's not important.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Come on, Howard, I'm going to be your wife. You can share anything with me.
Howard Wolowitz: Oh, you'd think that, but no.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: You told her we were going to get married and she had a heart attack?
Howard Wolowitz: You can't take that personally.
Penny: How else is she supposed to take it?
Howard Wolowitz: What you've gotta keep in mind is that ever since my dad left, I've been the whole world to my mother. I mean, she'd be threatened by any woman who can give me what she can't.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: You mean sexual intercourse?
Howard Wolowitz: Well, when you say it like that, you make it sound creepy.
Priya Koothrappali: What happened?
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Howard's mother had a heart attack because I have sex with him and she can't! image

Howard Wolowitz: Mom also had just gotten some news that might've upset her.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: What?
Howard Wolowitz: It's not important.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Come on, Howard, I'm going to be your wife. You can share anything with me.
Howard Wolowitz: Oh, you'd think that, but no.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: You told her we were going to get married and she had a heart attack?
Howard Wolowitz: You can't take that personally.
Penny: How else is she supposed to take it?
Howard Wolowitz: What you've gotta keep in mind is that ever since my dad left, I've been the whole world to my mother. I mean, she'd be threatened by any woman who can give me what she can't.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: You mean sexual intercourse?
Howard Wolowitz: Well, when you say it like that, you make it sound creepy.
Priya Koothrappali: What happened?
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Howard's mother had a heart attack because I have sex with him and she can't!

#7

Sheldon Cooper: Amy ruined 'Raiders of the Lost Ark' for me. So, now I'm trying to find something beloved to her and ruin that.
Howard Wolowitz: Because her life wasn't enough?

Howard Wolowitz: I just want to pop and make sure that Ma's OK.
Raj Koothrappali: I thought Stuart was looking after her.
Howard Wolowitz: He was, but now that her cast is off, he moved out. Honestly, I'm kid of glad. It was getting a little weird.
Raj Koothrappali: How so?
Howard Wolowitz: I don't know, they were... chummy.
Raj Koothrappali: Like us?
Howard Wolowitz: No, not like us. Creepy chummy, like you and your dog.

Raj Koothrappali: You coming?
Stuart Bloom: Just give me a minute.
Raj Koothrappali: Why?
Stuart Bloom: You know how you're wearing a bathing suit?
Raj Koothrappali: Yeah.
Stuart Bloom: I kinda went the other way.
Howard Wolowitz: [Opens the window to yell at them] You jackasses just bought yourselves a hot tub!

Open a window; it's about to get smug in here.

#11

Howard Wolowitz: How can you work on something for a year and they just take it?
Leonard Hofstadter: I can't believe the Air Force would treat us like that.
Sheldon Cooper: You know, I have a good mind to stop paying my taxes. It's too bad I enjoy doing them so much.

Raj Koothrappali: If Bruce Banner is driving a rental car and turns into the Hulk, do you think it's covered, or does he need to add the Hulk as additional driver?
Howard Wolowitz: You really need a girlfriend.

Sheldon Cooper: I went down to the city compliance office to turn you in.
Howard Wolowitz: Are you kidding?
Sheldon Cooper: But I didn't do it. I filled out the form and then realized that the unwritten laws of friendship are more important than the written rules of the city of Altadena City and Planning Department.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Aw.
Howard Wolowitz: Really? Aw?
Sheldon Cooper: And you'll be happy to know that while I was there I did look into your neighbor's balcony and it is encroaching on your property line. I had all this pent-up snitch energy so I reported him hard.
Howard Wolowitz: What did they say?
Sheldon Cooper: He's going to have to remove it.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: So the good guys win?
Sheldon Cooper: Well, I don't know if I'd call you the good guys. You're enforcing a law on him which you're willfully ignoring yourselves.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Uh. All right, fine. The morally compromising guys win!
Sheldon Cooper: Apparently so.

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