Carl Showalter Quotes

Airport Lot Attendant: There's a minimum charge of four dollars. Long-term parking charges by the day.
Carl Showalter: I guess you think you're... you know, like an authority figure, with that stupid fuckin' uniform, huh buddy? King clip-on-tie there, big fuckin' man, huh? You know these are the limits of your life, man! The rule of your little fuckin' gate here!
Carl Showalter: Here's your four dollars, you pathetic piece of shit!

Shep, whatthefuckyadoin'? I'm banging that girl!

You stay away from me, man! Hey, smoke a fuckin' peace pipe!

Whoa Daddy.

Come on, plug me into the ozone, baby, come on!

Carl Showalter: Who the fuck are you?
Carl Showalter: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?
Wade Gustafson: I got your damn money. Now, where's my daughter?
Carl Showalter: I am through fuckin' around here! Drop that fuckin' briefcase!
Wade Gustafson: Where's my daughter?
Carl Showalter: Fuck you, man! Where's Jerry? I gave simple fuckin' instructions!
Wade Gustafson: Where's my damn daughter? No Jean, no money!
Carl Showalter: Drop that fuckin' money!
Wade Gustafson: No Jean, no money!
Carl Showalter: Is this a fuckin' joke here?
Wade Gustafson: Aww, Jeez.
Carl Showalter: Happy now, asshole? What's with you people? Ya fuckin' imbeciles!
Carl Showalter: Ah! You fuckin' shot me!
Carl Showalter: You fuck!

Would it... kill you to say something? "No." That's the first thing you've said in the last four hours. That's a... that's fountain of conversation, man. That's a geyser. I mean, whoa daddy! Stand back, man. Shit. I'm sitting here driving. Doing all the driving, man. The whole fucking way from Brainard driving. Just trying to... chat, you know. Keep our spirits up, fight the boredom of the road, and you can't say one fucking thing just in the way of conversation. Oh fuck it. I don't have to talk to you either, man. See how you like it. Just total fucking silence. Two can play at that game, smart guy. We'll just see how you like it. Total silence.

I decided not to park there.

Oh, fuck it, I don't have to talk, either, man! See how you like it. Just total fuckin' silence. Two can play at that game, smart guy. We'll just see how you like it. Total silence.

Just keep it still back there, lady, or we're going to have to, you know, shoot you.

You know, it's proven that second-hand smoke is, uh, carcin-... uh, you know, cancer related.

I'm not gonna debate you.