Wade Quotes

Deadpool : I know right? You're probably thinking, "Whose balls did I have to fondle to get my very own movie"? I can't tell you his name, but it rhymes with "Polverine."
Deadpool : And let me tell you, he's got a nice pair of smooth criminals down under.

All dinosaurs feared the T-Rex!

Deadpool : Love is a beautiful thing. When you find it, the the whole world taste like Daffodil Daydream. So you gotta hold onto love... tight! And never let go. Don't make the same mistakes I did. Got it?
Dopinder : Yeah.
Deadpool : Or the whole world tastes like Mama Juice after hot yoga.
Dopinder : Sir, what does Miss Mama June taste like?
Deadpool : Like two hobos fucking in a shoe filled with piss.

Dopinder : Uh, why the fancy red suit, Mr. Pool?
Deadpool : Oh, that's because it's Christmas Day, Dopinder. And I'm after someone on my naughty list. I've been waiting one year, three weeks... six days and, oh... 14 minutes to make him fix what he did to me.
Dopinder : And what did he do to you, Mr. Pool?
Deadpool : This shit...
Deadpool : Boo!

Blind Al : I get why you're so pissy, but your mood's never gonna brighten 'till you find this woman and tell her how you feel.
Deadpool : What do I keep telling you, Mrs. Magoo? She wouldn't have me. If you could see me, you'd understand.
Blind Al : Looks aren't everything.
Deadpool : Looks ARE everything! Ever heard Dave Beckham speak? It's like he mouth-sexed a can of helium. You think Ryan Reynolds got this far on a superior acting method?
Blind Al : Love is blind, Wade.
Deadpool : No. You're blind.
Blind Al : So you're just gonna lie there and whimper?
Deadpool : No, I'm gonna wait 'till this arm plows through puberty, and then I'll come up with a whole new Christmas day plan.

You're probably thinking, "My boyfriend said this was a superhero movie but that guy in the suit just turned that other guy into a fucking kabab!" Well, I may be super, but I'm no hero. And yeah, technically, this is a murder. But some of the best love stories start with a murder. And that's exactly what this is, a love story. And to tell it right... I gotta take you back to long before I squeezed this ass into red spandex.

Dopinder : That's, uh, $27.50.
Deadpool : I... I never carry a wallet when I'm working. Ruins the lines of my suit.
Dopinder : Oh.
Deadpool : But, uh, how about a crisp high five?

From the studio that inexplicably sewed his fucking mouth shut the first time comes five-time Academy Award viewer, Ryan Reynolds in an eHarmony date with destiny. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... me! Deadpool.

Dopinder : I presume a crisp high five?
Deadpool : For you? 10.
Deadpool : Okay, guys, let's get out there and make a difference.
Deadpool : You know what do to.
Dopinder : Knock 'em dead, Pool Boy!

Not often a dude ruins your face, skull-stomps your sanity, grabs your future baby mama, and personally sees to four of your five shittiest moments. Let's just say... it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

¿Dónde está Francesca?

How can I help you... besides luring children into a panel van?

Where's Francis?

You little spider-monkey!

Crime's the disease, meet the cure. Okay, not the cure, but more like a topical ointment to reduce the swelling and itch. Hi, Tom!

Deadpool :That's right! You're about to be killed by a zamboni!
Deadpool : Tell me where your fucking boss is or you're going to die! In five minutes!

Listen, the day I decide to become a crime-fighting shit swizzler, who rooms with a bunch of other little whiners at the Neverland Mansion of some creepy, old, bald, Heaven's Gate-looking motherfucker... on that day, I'll send your shiny, happy ass a friend request!

Hashtag drive-by.

Time to make the chimi-fuckin'-changas.

A fourth wall break inside a fourth wall break? That's like, sixteen walls.

Colossus : You will come talk with Professor Xavier.
Deadpool : McAvoy or Stewart? These timelines can get so confusing.

Deadpool : Ripley, from Alien 3!
Negasonic Teenage Warhead : Fuck, you're old.
Deadpool :Fake laugh. Hiding real pain. Go get Silver Balls.

Negasonic Teenage Warhead : You guys going for a bite? Early bird special?
Deadpool : Oh, like there's something wrong with eating before sundown or saving money. No, you know that bad guy that you let go? He's got my girl. You're gonna help me get her back.
Colossus :Wade, is that you?
Deadpool : Yeah, it's me, Deadpool, and I got an offer that you can't refuse. I'm gonna wait out here, okay? It's a big house. It's funny that I only ever see two of you. It's almost like the studio couldn't afford another X-Man.

Deadpool : And you are?
Negasonic Teenage Warhead : Negasonic Teenage Warhead.
Deadpool : Negasonic Teenage... what the shit? That's the coolest name ever!

Deadpool: You're still here? It's over. Go home! Oh, you're expecting a teaser for Deadpool 2. Well, we don't have that kind of money. What are you expecting, Sam Jackson show up with an eyepatch and a saucy little leather number? Go, go.
Credits : The making and authorized distribution of this film supported over 13,000 jobs and involved hundreds of thousands of work hours.
Deadpool : Oh, but I can tell you one thing and it's a bit of a secret. In the sequel, we're gonna have Cable. Amazing character. Bionic arm, time travel. We have no idea who we're gonna cast yet but it could be anybody. We just need a big guy with a flat top. Could be Mel Gibson, Dolph Lundgren, Keira Knightley, she's got range, who knows? Anyway, big secret, ssshhhh. Oh and don't leave your garbage all lying around. It's a total dick move. Go. Chicka-chickahhhh.

Wade Wilson : I had another Liam Neeson nightmare. I kidnapped his daughter and he just wasn't having it.
Wade Wilson : They made three of those movies. At some point you have to wonder if he's just a bad parent.

Did you ever see 127 Hours? Spoiler alert.