When I was young, I invented an invisible friend called Mr Ravioli. My psychiatrist says I don't need him anymore, so he just sits in the corner and reads.
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Recipes are like mathematical equations. Dr. Bernard Hazelhof told me you should never weigh more than your refrigerator, and to never eat anything bigger than your head. I once ate a watermelon bigger than my head, but not all at once.
I have also invented some new words. "Confuzzled", which is being confused and puzzled at the same time, "snirt", which is a cross between snow and dirt, and "smushables", which are squashed groceries you find at the bottom of the bag. I have sent a letter to the Oxford Dictionary people asking them to include my words but I have not heard back.
Not much has happened since I last wrote except for my manslaughter charges, lotto win, and Ivy's death.
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