Larry David: Instead of going in and ordering a "Ted Danson" people go in ordering a "Larry David". What's the difference?Ted Danson: One tastes good, one sucks!
Read more Larry David QuotesFrom: Curb Your Enthusiasm
Doctor: Based on your signs and symptoms, when you twisted your body, your testicles got ensnared in the fly of your underwear, which acted like a noose, and it caused scrotal hematoma and contusion.Leon Black: Twisted balls.Doctor: In layman's terms, yes. It's...Leon Black: Twisted balls.Doctor: It's not as bad as it sounds. It's a bruising, which will probably last about a week or so.Larry David: Oh, OK.Doctor: But, I would definitely recommend switching to a style of underwear with no fly.Larry David: No Fly Zone? Is that what you're telling me? I'm not wearing that underwear. OK?Leon Black: You gotta do it, man. You got long balls, Larry. Long balls. You've got long-ass balls.Larry David: I've got long balls?Leon Black: Doc, you've seen his balls, right?Larry David: Would you say my balls were unusually long?Doctor: They're a bit more distended than the average testicles.Leon Black: You got long-ass balls, Larry. "Long Ball Larry." That's your new name.Larry David: Long balls. Who the hell knew?Leon Black: Long balls. Change your drawers.
Larry David: Thanks so much for stopping. Man oh man, I've been so lost, I mean I've been driving around for a half hour here, I'm just trying to get back to, um, to the freeway, to L.A...Brian: You don't recognize me, do you?Larry David: No...Brian: From the driving range, the other day? You're the, uh, you're the guy from the driving range. I was right behind you on the range...Larry David: Oh, right! Right! Wow!Brian: ...right, and you wouldn't help me out with the ball? The range ball, it fell and you wouldn't help me out with the ball...Larry David: The ball? Oh, no no no... you know what? My back was killing me that day, I couldn't bend down.Brian: Oh, your back was... I didn't pick up on that because you were hitting the ball so well, you were swinging great...Larry David: No, that's twisting. I could twist, I couldn't bend.Brian: Ohh, ah, OK, right... difference, yeah. Two different things.Larry David: It's a big difference, really. Oh my God, you must have thought I was such an asshole.Brian: Well I... you know, I didn't know why you wouldn't help me with the ball.Larry David: Oh god, what kind of prick doesn't pick up somebody's ball.Brian: I thought you could help out a little bit, but... I understand.Larry David: You know what, I would have picked up the ball in a second if I could bend down.Brian: It's your back, it was your back, right.Larry David: Completely. I'm sorry. I apologize.Brian: Sure. No, I understand, I understand. It's OK, it's alright.Larry David: Wait a second... are you going to Gil's party?Brian: Yeah that's why I'm... you know Gil? Oh, from the club, you must know Gil? I'm old friends with Gil, yeah, we... buddies for a long time.Larry David: So, uh, can I follow you over there?Brian: Should you be going to the party with your back? I mean, can you bend over, can you bend with your back?Larry David: Yeah...Brian: Well then maybe you should just bend over and kiss my ass, and maybe next time you'll remember to uh, pick up the fucking golf ball.
Larry: I can't believe this guy's converting. Why's he doing that? You guys come to our side, we don't go to your side. Yeah. Jews don't convert. I'm really surprised.Cheryl David: Well, you know what, if he didn't convert she wouldn't marry him. I know that about Becky, she's very... she's very passionate about her religion.Larry: Why do Christians take everything so personally with Christ, ya know? It's like not only do you have to worship him, you want everybody to. It's like I like lobster. Do I go around pushing lobster on people? Do I say you must like lobster? "Eat lobster, it's good, it's good!" It's not only where you live, you go to Africa, you travel all over the world, "Eat lobster! Have some more lobster, it's good."Cheryl David: I don't really think it's the same...Larry: "WE WANT YOU TO HAVE LOBSTER!"Cheryl David: Lobster and religion, I really don't see the similarities.